Thirties Sting #1-#5

#1

HELLO CORPORATE

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You work and come home to work
You go to work and you’re given more work
You work that work at work and at home
Where you’re expected to work
And your OT is non-existent
Your holidays go by quick
You think you made some friends
But they’re not there after your unemployment
Your boss is a dick
Change work
Go to work
You work and come home to work
You go to work and you’re given more work
You work that work at work and at home
Where you’re expected to work
Remember your kids?
They miss you
You know that energized you
But you can’t catch up
So you work on your parenting
And your guilt
But it adds up quick
Now you’re tired
And it’s time to…
Go to work

#2

I’LL TAKE 1 ROMANCE PLEASE

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I can’t wait to see you tonight, I’ve thought about you all day while we’ve both been too busy slaving away to think of each other. Is it your turn to get the kids or is it mine? Husband, you are so fine. I’ll meet you at home, I just have to stop off at the grocery store to grab some things for dinner. Tell them to stop shouting, why do they always bicker? Oh right, the house is a disaster. I forgot about the volcano that erupted this morning which made everyone scream. Nope, my memory is wrong. They were screaming already. Who wants to put on their shoes and brush their teeth? Not meee! But let’s throw everything on the floor instead. Anyway my honey, I got super sexy for you. I shaved half my leg and put on clean sweat pants. I know I’ve been packing on some depression, but you are smoking to me. I can’t wait for tonight: you, me plus the TV. We can call it a ménage à trois for fun. Oh, and can you pour me a glass of wine? It’s been at least 22 hours since I’ve had an emotional outburst and I’m not even trying to set records. I forgot the kids don’t want to eat dinner, but I’m glad the cat got some scraps. We’ll still have to clean his vomit later, oh well. My ears better be lying to me — did someone just ask for a snack?! It’s time for the kid’s bubble bath! Splaaaassssh, splassssh, splash. How many books did we promise to read them tonight? Oh look, I think you already fell asleep next to his bed. No problem, take my hand babe, I’ll help you up. Look at us, we made it to the couch. Now if we could just find the remote to put on the TV… Mommy!!! Yes dear? I don’t want to go to sleep! Okay, let Mommy tuck you in. Daddy!!! What do you need? I peeeeeedddd. Again?! Repeat. Six. Times. My sweet, what time is it? How on earth is it 9 o’clock? Don’t worry, we’ll still get some loving in. Maybe we can even talk! Except isn’t this silence SO nice? It is. Baby, tell me the truth, were you taking a peak at my anxiety? I hope you like what you see because it’s all yours. Especially when we’re ready to sleep. Oh wait, we are. So now — at the worst time ever, are you ready to hear about my mounting stressors? I bet that will get you in the mood like nothing else could. Unless, of course, I somehow shut up. Do you like it when I ask you repeatedly if the doors are locked? Are the doors locked? Are they really locked though? I bet it’s so hot. If you’re lucky baby, we can do it again tomorrow. Me-ow.

#3

BROKE IS THE SHIT

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Remember what it was like to be broke? Fuck I loved it
Too broke to have credit so I never had debt
Sometimes no food but hey, we can’t have it all — can we?
Like, I used to rent
But now we have a mortgage
And a daycare that costs more than it
We spent within our means and got a fixer upper
There goes the water tank
Property tax time
And who can forget the water bill?
Shower, dishes, laundry
All at the same time
You know in the minimal time at home
When no one is at work
I miss getting mail
That wasn’t you owe this
Pay me that
Even still, you save and put away
Then the kids grow 2 feet in 1 day
And with this back and fourth
Daycare to home
Home to daycare
Mommy’s car
Daddy’s truck (and the gas!)
You basically need 2 of everything
Except diapers which you need 6000 of
And the wedding, man that was fun
I can’t afford to make it to yours, sorry
I’m kind of stressed
I would love a night out
But that’s more money
Because nothing is free
And the standard babysitting rate is minimum
Even when they’re asleep
Netflix? Netflix.

#4

SEE YOU NEXT PARTY, MAYBE.

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Probably not. We already RSVP’d yes to 2. Sunday is also Costco / (never-ending) laundry day. Oh and did I mention, we’re bagged? But I mean, if we did make it, we’d probably catch up for 5 minutes in the 2 hours it takes. But we’d still love to see your face. Pencil us in for the next time we’re all free at the same time, ‘kay? 2023?

#5

WHAT DO WE WANT?!

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Sleep!
When are we going to get it?
Maybe a 5 minute nap, next week!

What do we want?!
Friends!
When we going to have them?
Someday!

What we do want?!
Affordable childcare!
When are we going to have it?
When men give birth!

What do we want?!
Community!
When are we going to get it?
The day wi-fi goes down!

What do we want?!
Money!
When are we going to get it?
Just before it’s taken away!

What do we want?!
Education!
When are we going to get it?
Any time at astronomical costs! Yay!

What do we want?!
Health-care!
When are we going to get it?
After you’ve been diagnosed and it may be too late!
Preventative health-care, a good idea?
No way!

What do we want?!
Work-life balance!
When are we going to get it?
When corporations pay taxes!

Shit.

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